I’ve been angry lately. And it’s not really like me, and it doesn’t feel good. It started as a righteous anger.
But as I let myself become overwhelmed, I realized I’d begin to stack my own soapboxes into a tower all my own.
I won’t get into all that. You know, I know, everything is different right now.
We’re living in an unprecedented time; under a pandemic.
But it’s hard to watch a loved one sick for weeks and weeks... suffering for weeks and weeks. In the ER. Discharged. Supposedly getting better. New complications. ones you’d all along feared, in fact.
Advocating for proper care... way up the food chain... because you do anything for those you love. Meanwhile those you love- those minions you’re raising- don’t understand why you’re constantly on the phone (either crying or angry) the past four days, laundry and dishes and toys are piling and piling... lack of sleep is accumulating...
Quarantine is wearing.
I never saw this coming.
But anyway.
I’m getting off topic here. If I even have one.
(Covid? Quarantine? Exhaustion? Anger? Suffering?)
I oddly found myself reading the book of Job in the days leading up to Easter. I have no clue why. I’ve never much liked the book of Job. That might sound kind of horrible and blasphemous, I know.
As a kid growing up in the church, I thought I had to blindly accept everything in the Bible and to challenge anything must make me a terrible person going to hell.
I know better now- I don’t think you can truly believe until you’ve wrestled with doubt. Faced the hard stuff. Asked questions. Sometimes, I don’t know what to ask- I just read something and say “God, I don‘t understand this and I don’t like this.” That’s where I’ve learned the most. Truly grown my faith. Had to learn to trust- thats what trust is; putting your faith in someone even if you don’t fully understand, even if there are some doubts, because God is greater. Knows more. Sees more. Has the blueprint. I don’t.
Back to Job. The story makes me very uncomfortable. I‘ve had trouble understanding the “why” to the story being in the Bible; and above that; I’m hugely uncomfortable with the story itself. Job is the best guy you can imagine; blameless before God- Satan asks that God withdraw His hand of protection, betting that Job will curse God. God is confident that Job will not.
Job loses everything. Family. Physical possessions. And then his body is attacked physically- he’s in so much torment that he just wants to die. Then three of Job’s friends show up. Now, I’ll start by saying; I think these guys get a bad rap. In Job 2:12-13, when these guys came to see him, they were so distraught at seeing how great their friend’s suffering was that they tore their clothes, threw dust on themselves, and sat there with him on the ground 7 days and 7 nights not saying a word “because they saw how great his suffering was.” I don’t know about you but those sound like pretty loyal friends to me. It’s after that things go downhill; but I do believe they’re speaking from a place of believing they’re right and wanting their friend to get better.
Job’s friends insist that his suffering must be due to some sin or offense on Job’s behalf; known or unknown, and that Job needs to confess so that God can acquit him and alleviate him of his suffering. Job maintains he is innocent. That he’s done nothing to warrant the suffering. Throughout the narrative, Job essentially is demanding answers from, and an audience with God. He maintains his innocence throughout. He concludes his demands for answers in chapter 31: “Here is my signature! Let the Almighty answer me!”
Finally, God answers Job out of a whirlwind.
He answers- with questions. A lot of them. In chapters 38 through 42, I believe I counted 66 question marks- and those are directed at Job, keep in mind.
Questions such as,
“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? (38:4)”
“Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep?Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? (38:16-18)”
”Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion? (38:31)” ”Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook or press down his tongue with a cord? Can you put a rope in his nose or pierce his jaw with a hook? (41:1-2)”
And on. And on.
Marvels.
And mysteries.
And wonders. Job repents- in chapter 42, He acknowledges to God,
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. (v2)” and states that he “uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”
Are you getting what I’m getting here??
Let me go ahead and TELL you what I’m getting-
God NEVER gave Job an answer. Not ONE of Job’s questions answered.
He was never declared guilty or innocent.
No explanation for his suffering. I do not like it. Not one bit, if I am being completely honest.
What God did give him- the part that I can get behind, and the part that I (we) are forced to throw all ourselves behind because it is our only option here:
Assurance of God’s absolute greatness and almighty power: that there are mysteries in this life beyond our comprehension.
Questions that will go unanswered. Questions meant to go unanswered. We will ask “why,” and it will echo... and echo... and echo...
Until the other side.
We are meant to place our hope, faith, and trust in a higher power.
We don’t have to figure it all out. We can be still, and know.
We don’t need to know why the storm is raging; just that He is in the boat with us. That with faith, we can walk on water with Him, and ignore the raging seas. That should He choose, with only a word the winds would cease.
I pray if you’re in a storm, your winds cease. And if they don’t, remember who is in the boat with you.
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