Perfectionism robs us of joy. Holds us back from living fully present in life’s messy but authentic moments. It’s too busy controlling and aiming for what’s next to enjoy the present.
Oddly enough, oftentimes the harder we fight for control, tighter we grip, the faster we feel ourselves spinning out into oncoming traffic.
Maybe because perfectionism is an unachievable lie. Each time we reach the next step, we see that there’s a higher rung on the ladder. It may as well be a staircase to Heaven; there is no top. You can climb as high as you want, but there is no level that intersects with satisfaction.
Let’s talk about motherhood and perfectionism- oxymoronic, really. Having young kids just doesn’t mix very well with a tidy, meticulous lifestyle.
It’s like this— if there was a blizzard with two feet of snow coming down, would you rush outside and start shoveling right away? Shoveling and shoveling though the snow was blindingly still drifting?
Of course not!
But as moms of little humans with awful hand-eye coordination, we somehow expect clean floors, dinner served precisely at 6 PM nightly, ourseves and troops showered and out of PJs by noon (all without screen time of course).
Let’s release ourseves (and entire household) from society’s unattainable standards for the season that we’re in.
Let the snow fall.
Plow it later.
So just how do we do this?!
A few practical applications-
1.) Let it go, Idina Menzel style.
If there’s anything on a too- full plate that you can give up; if there’s anything that is not bringing you joy, bettering your kids’ lives and your sanity- maybe it’s time to cut the cord. We cannot be all things to everyone; say “yes” to everything; and expect to do all things well (and without burnout).
2.) Make today “good enough.”
Your kids don’t need a perfect mom; they need a happy mom.
They don’t need crumb-free floors; they need your love and attention.
I promise you, they won’t remember the crumbs and the clutter. An unfolded, wrinkled T-shirt out of a clean laundry basket never hurt anyone. Free yourself from guilt- it’s in no way productive. Mistakes don’t make bad moms. Bad days don’t make bad moms. In fact, I’d argue apologizing and talking about our mistakes fosters grace and resilience in our children.
3.) Choose your non-negotiables.
I’m not saying wave the white flag of surrender and let chaos reign- I am just encouraging you to be a student of “good enough.”
We all do need some control- so decide what your non-negotiables are:
Is it ten minutes to yourself with your coffee before the rest of the house is up? An emptied dishwasher before bed? Making your bed in the morning?
You decide what “some control” looks like for you, and stick to it, daily.
And let’s kick the nasty lie of perfectionism out of motherhood.
Because the way your child looks at you with those eyes full of love?
That’s perfection.
That’s telling you you’re already way, way more than good enough.
You’ve so got this.
*Originally written by myself for Northridge Plymouth AM MOPS group.